...and we're back. After taking a few years off from writing power rankings, I've returned with a rejuvenated hatred for all your teams. I won't do these every week (given my busy schedule as a full-time employee and part-time grad student), but I will do my best to periodically carve out time to explain why you're bad at fantasy football.

When I last wrote about fantasy football a year ago, I tried to quantify who the luckiest person in the league is. Since then, I suffered yet another defeat in the championship. We can agree that I'm the unluckiest. In that post, I introduced two metrics that I'll include in my power rankings: $w_o$ and $Δw$. A quick recap of those.

Where:

• $P(r)$ is the set of points from all other players in the same year and week as $r$, defined as $\{p \mid (p.wy = r.wy) \land (p.u \mathrel{\char"2260} r.u)\}$ where $wy$ represents week and year and $u$ represents username
• $I(condition)$ is the indicator function defined as ${ 1 \text{ if true } 0 \text{ if false } }$
• $r.points$ represents the points from the input row

Below is a code snippet to calculate $w_o$ in Python using a DataFrame object that can be used with the data lake mentioned below:

def calculate_weekly_wins_against_all_opponents(row):
    other_player_points = list(matchups.loc[matchups['year'] == row['year']] \
        .loc[matchups['week'] == row['week']] \
        .loc[matchups['username'] != row['username']]['points'])
    wins_against_all_opponents = 0.0
    for other_player_point in other_player_points:
        if other_player_point < row['points']:
            wins_against_all_opponents += 1
    return wins_against_all_opponents

# assumes that matchups have been loaded from S3
# more connection details below
matchups['wins_against_all_opponents'] = matchups.apply(calculate_weekly_wins_against_all_opponents, axis=1)

Simply put, $w_o$ is the number of teams that your weekly score would have defeated, with the range being ${x ∈ ℤ : 0 ≤ x ≤ 11}$. $0$ indicates that a team had the worst score of the week, and $11$ indicates that a team had the best score of the week.

As the season progresses, we can identify anomalous win/loss ratios (i.e., luck) by comparing the actual wins to the number of teams the player would have beaten. Using the following formula, we can convert these deltas to a percentage above or below actual wins (as $Δw$ with $w_a$ as actual wins and $w_o$ as wins over all opponents based on $t$ possible wins and $11t$ possible wins over all opponents):

Given that this is week three, $t = 3$. Negative values indicate unluckiness, and positive values indicate luckiness. Let's review these metrics so far.

Notice any usual suspects? I'll save that part for the power rankings.

League Data Lake Production Release​

For any nerds that want to do some data exploration, I've deployed the data lake to our production league AWS account. Assuming that you have Python installed, the following Bash script will prepare your environment:

python3 -m venv '.venv'
. .venv/bin/activate
pip install pandas pyarrow s3fs

I need to configure your access in our league SSO Identity Store, then you can get started with pandas like so:

import pandas as pd

matchups = pd.read_parquet(
    's3://datalakestack-datalakebucket0256ea8e-2vsnkn8mkieo/sleeper/matchups/',
    engine='pyarrow',
    # example filter
    # filters=[('year', '==', 2025)])

Below are the currently supported columns, but please feel free to suggest others:

Index(['co_owners', 'keepers', 'league_id', 'owner_id', 'player_map',
       'players_x', 'reserve', 'roster_id', 'starters_x', 'taxi', 'points',
       'players_y', 'custom_points', 'matchup_id', 'starters_y',
       'starters_points', 'players_points', 'week', 'year', 'type'],
      dtype='object')

Now, on to this week's power rankings.

Brian Thomas Gooners | 3-0W/L | 339PF​

Week Three Points: 115.26​

Callen's team is stacked from top to bottom, has incredible depth, and will likely improve as the season advances (i.e., the Jordan Addison suspension). The only glaring weakness in his draft was at QB, but he has since filled that position with a top-6 QB in Justin Herbert. All of his bench players put up at least 15 points this week. Oh yeah, and his rookie pick (Tetairoa McMillan) is legit too. This team is a juggernaut, and the only problem that Callen has right now is choosing who to start. In the words of Tim Brewster, "BALLERS EVERYWHERE!" I'm glad that this team will make the playoffs, because the Aggies and Texans sure as hell won't (and the Astros are trending in that direction too). With just the right luck so far (i.e., a $Δw$ of 24%) and this roster, Callen has to take the number one spot.

MeHurts&theGibbyGibbys | 3-0W/L | 359PF​

Week Three Points: 122.32​

With a league high $w_o$ of 28, Tarv has to be the next team. Jalen Hurts continues his fantasy dominance with at least one rushing TD in each of the first three weeks. Any concerns about Saquon vulturing goalline TDs have long since been moot. Jahmyr Gibbs continues to play like a league-winning RB, and Javonte Williams hoards the rushing touches for the Cowboys. George Pickens and Rome Odunze are forming a strong WR corps for Tarv, but the injury to Mike Evans will test this roster's depth. Trey McBride has been 10 points guaranteed, which is fantastic in the TE slot. That said, I think Tarv will need some wavier wire magic to stay near the top. Another injury or Williams/Pickens falling back to earth could quickly send this team to the middle of the pack. Much like A&M's ref-assisted win over a massively overrated Notre Dame, this team might be fool's gold (pun intended).

ZOOT SCOOT BOOGIE | 2-1W/L | 353PF​

Week Three Points: 127.85​

Look at that! I've had negative luck, but I'm still in second place by $w_o$. Shout out to the Minnesota D/ST for making me $20 this week for the highest score. As a lifelong USC fan since June, I've always believed in Caleb Williams. He's looking like a top-5 fantasy QB. Bijan Robinson and Ken Walker are forming a strong RB corps, but I'm feeling thin with the season-ending injury to James Conner. I've been able to get to a great start, even with Justin Jefferson yet to have an extraordinary game. My bench looks like an ICU at the moment, but the Quentin Johnston acquisition is looking like a textbook Waiver Wire God move. This roster cannot handle another injury until Aiyuk and/or Jennings get healthy.

Uncle Cral's Little Dogs | 2-1W/L | 346PF​

Week Three Points: 103.2​

Carl's team looks strange but good (as per usual). McCaffrey and Dobbins are a damn good RB duo, but those two have historically struggled to stay healthy. I'm not sold that Mariota is going to put up similar numbers to Jayden Daniels every week (that is, if Carl doesn't stream QBs), and I doubt that the Commanders are going to rush him back to play. Ja'Marr Chase has had two stinkers (including the first game with Burrow out), so I'm not optimistic about his fantasy value at the moment, given the uncertainty at QB with Burrow out for the foreseeable future. That said, Emeka Egbuka might be the best pick of the draft. TE and flex look to be consistent for Carl, so I expect this team to be a contender. I should have traded you James Conner at the draft.

Sour Diesel Enjoyer | 3-0W/L | 336PF​

Week Three Points: 99.04​

Mark is already pacing to have as much luck as his 2023 championship season. After a narrow four-point victory against me in week two, followed by a sub-100-point victory against Logz, we might have to accept that Mark is going to win it all. The Josh Allen pick is looking galaxy-brain right now. I'm not inspired by his r'*Chub*' RB room or his twelve other RBs that he has stashed on his bench. However, Puka/Amon-Ra/Ridley/Deebo is a lethal WR combo. History says that Mark is likely to win several close games and secure a comfortable playoff spot. I see nothing that changes my mind here.

Mayfield Advantage | 1-2W/L | 301PF​

Week Three Points: 91.7​

Carlough's team feels like the perfect midpoint for the league. This roster hasn't performed at the level of the top teams, but it's a clear step up from the basement dwellers below. Baker Mayfield has been a reliable 20-point source to serve as a quality scoring base. De'Von Achane and Jonathan Taylor have shown consistency and the explosive potential to catapult this team to the top of the standings. Carlough's WR corps and flex spots haven't inspired much confidence so far, and the injury to Brittle Kittle hurts too. That said, I think Chris Godwin's return could push this team into the playoffs.

Disney hater bville mayor | 1-2W/L | 277PF​

Week Three Points: 75.83​

After a strong week one showing, Trond's roster has performed progressively worse each week. Saquon Barkley's disappointing week contributed to a 75.83-point stinker. Marvin Harrison and Breece Hall have also been uninspiring so far. The rest of the roster looks good, not great. Michael Pittman and one explosive performance from Jared Goff have been bright spots, but this team is aggressively mediocre. That's a step up for Trondheim!

Moore Lamb Plz | 0-3W/L | 272PF​

Week Three Points: 95​

I really feel for Caleb. With a $Δw$ of -30%, he remains the unluckiest person in our league once again. In addition to the bad luck in matchups, CeeDee Lamb will miss three to four weeks. Despite this, I'm actually high on this roster outside a terrible homer pick in Bo Nix. Jaxon Smith-Njigba looks special this season, and he has a solid RB1 and RB2 combo. Despite a painful start, I believe that this team will regress to the mean.

Rashee Ya Later Alligator | 1-2W/L | 270PF​

Week Three Points: 106.59​

Sports leads us nowhere but to pain and despair.

Cramsey got a much-needed first win this week. After a tough start to K-State's football season, I fear that a loss this week might have broken him psychologically. Lamar Jackson has been a pillar of stability for this roster as the number one QB. Josh Jacobs has been reasonably reliable, but this team is currently lacking explosiveness. Outside of a Courtland Sutton 21.8-point game, this team has demonstrated little boom potential. As such, I expect that this team will hover around 90-100 points per week.

TUlsa King | 1-2W/L | 264PF​

Week Three Points: 103.48​

With 0% luck, it's safe to say that this is just what K-Man's team is. This roster isn't terrible, but it's a tough break when your first-round pick averages 6.9 PPG. I'm not sure Ashton Jeanty is poised for a breakout season with the Raiders either. Perhaps Boise State and all teams outside the Power Two conferences don't prepare players for the NFL in the same way. Personally, I think this team's success will hinge on Omarion Hampton, Garrett Wilson, and a couple of good waiver pickups.

This Team Is The Pitts | 0-3W/L | 257PF​

Week Three Points: 89.96​

Logz makes the playoff (no: Scottie; yes: K-Man); one shot wager

Remember this pinned bet from the draft? It's burned into my memory alongside K-Man trying to close a trade deal with me while smelling like warm milk and wearing a Frozen sweater. I'm beginning to feel confident that Logz will miss the playoffs. There are still some strong pieces here to build around, like Travis Etienne, Nico Collins, and Davante Adams. That said, some of these picks (like Jacory Croskey-Merritt) scream, "I listen to a bunch of 'expert' fantasy football podcasts, and this is who they told me to draft!" Drake London is just having a slow start, but the rest don't inspire much confidence.

Henrything is Possible | 1-2W/L | 249PF​

Week Three Points: 85.64​

Mandrews 😭 Was it me?

It's incredible that this team has had significant luck (i.e., $Δw$ of 15%) but is still at the bottom of the standings. This team should absolutely be 0-3, given that John has yet to break 90 points in a week. On paper, this team should be better due to its strong core, excluding a washed Mahomes homer pick and horrific flex spots. It also feels like John is playing Whac-A-Mole with poor sit/start choices. This team has the potential to trend up to the 90s or low 100s, so John shouldn't buy Juggalo face paint just yet.

The Winner Is a Tryhard, affectionately known as TWIATH, began in 2014 and has been going strong ever since. We started our journey on ESPN before migrating to Sleeper in 2020. A few years ago, ESPN quietly deleted many leagues' histories without warning, including ours. We had previously stored some historical data in an EBS snapshot in AWS, but sadly, we haven't been able to recover the full dataset. Since Sleeper provides an API for accessing data (and most of us are nerds who work as technology professionals), we opted to use this to create a data lake in AWS to prevent this from happening again. More importantly, we wanted to use this data to start answering some important questions, such as, who is the luckiest person in league history?

Building an Initial Data Lake Using Python​

Before answering any questions, we must first build our dataset. Thankfully, Sleeper offers an API to pull data programmatically. Numerous Python wrapper packages are available to accelerate development. With object storage like Amazon S3 to store the data, it only takes a bit of Python code to get started. With pandas, pyarrow, and sleeper-py installed via pip, the following code establishes the base dataset as partitioned Parquet files uploaded to S3:

# update with your S3 bucket name
base_s3_path = 's3://your-bucket-name/sleeper'
# get the leauge IDs from your Sleeper leauge's URL
# there is one ID per season
past_league_ids = ['541384381865115648', '706690303247065088','784536701455429632','961113588070985728']
default_regular_season_weeks = 14
# this is because the NFL extended the season in 2021
year_playoff_map_exceptions = {2020: 13}
for index, league_id in enumerate(past_league_ids):
    # as noted above, we migrated to Sleeper in 2020
    # update this value with the first year in Sleeper
    year = index + 2020
    # fetch the league members
    rosters = pd.DataFrame(Leagues.get_rosters(league_id))
    # there should only be 18 weeks, but I've set this to 20 in case there are more weeks added in the future
    for week in range(1, 20):
        # fetch the matchups from the Sleeper API
        matchups = pd.DataFrame(Leagues.get_matchups(league_id, week))
        if not matchups.empty:
            # join rosters and matchups
            week_result = pd.merge(rosters, matchups, on='roster_id', how='inner')
            # set week and year values
            week_result['week'] = week
            week_result['year'] = year
            # determine which weeks are regular season and which are playoffs
            # these API endpoints do not have this metadata
            playoff_week = year_playoff_map_exceptions.get(year, default_regular_season_weeks)
            week_result['type'] = 'regular' if week <= playoff_week else 'playoff'
            players_points_list = []
            # format the player points to support Parquet
            for players_points_week in week_result['players_points'].to_list():
                players_points_list.append([{'player_id': player_id, 'points': points} for player_id, points in players_points_week.items()])
            week_result['players_points'] = players_points_list
            # drop columns that cause issues with Parquet
            week_result = week_result.drop(columns=['settings', 'metadata'])
            # write partitioned file to S3
            week_result.to_parquet(f'{base_s3_path}/matchups/{year}/{week}/result.parquet', engine='pyarrow')

For a complete Jupyter Notebook example, see this GitHub repository. Note that this does not follow data lake best practices like a medallion architecture. Still, it's enough to start analyzing the entire Sleeper's historical dataset. In a later post, we'll cover our scheduled jobs to load the data weekly during the season.

Scoring​

To provide additional context for the numbers shown for those outside the league, here's our configuration:

• 12 teams
• Half-point per reception
• One-point receiving first down
• Quarter-point loss per point for defenses
• Half-point sacks
• No kickers (sadly)
• Two WR/RB/TE flex spots

A Naive Attempt at Defining Luck and Skill​

In the simplest terms, you might define luck as the fewest points against (PA) since you have no control over your opponent's lineup. By the same logic, you could define skill as points for (PF) since you chose the players on your roster. Let's start with regular season PF in the past four seasons:

Next, let's convert these to weekly averages:

So, does regular season PF correlate with championships? For the most part, yes. The past four champions were Mark (2023), Mark (2022), Matt (2021), and Travis (2020). Despite consistently leading the league in PF, Scottie and Callen have yet to win a championship (although Scottie did lose in the finals twice during these four seasons). Mark and Travis are in the top four scorers, and Matt's championship season looks like an outlier compared with his average performance. With this in mind, does regular season PA correlate better with championships?

First, we need to compute points against for each week in the Pandas DataFrame since this is not available in the API:

def calculate_points_against(row):
    points_against = matchups.loc[matchups['year'] == row['year']] \
        .loc[matchups['week'] == row['week'] \
        .loc[matchups['matchup_id'] == row['matchup_id']] \
        .loc[matchups['owner_id'] != row['owner_id']]['points'].values
    if len(points_against) == 1:
        return points_against[0]
    else:
        return 0.0
matchups['points_against'] = matchups.apply(calculate_points_against, axis=1)

It appears that PA may not correlate as well as PF. First of all, weekly PF ranges (89.2 to 103.2) have a higher minimum/maximum delta than PA ranges (95.0 to 100.7). While we see Mark and Scottie in the bottom three (i.e., luckiest), Matt has the highest PA (average and total). In any case, these aggregates omit much of the story. To paint a clearer picture, let's introduce a new metric.

Measuring Wins Against All Opponents​

The core aspect of luck in fantasy football is scheduling (i.e., PA for a given week). For example, you could be the second-highest-scoring team and still lose the week. Likewise, you could put up the second-worst performance and win the week. Aggregating the totals for PA and PF does not account for this. However, we can measure how many teams a player would have beaten in any given week with the following formula:

Where:

• $P(r)$ is the set of points from all other players in the same year and week as $r$, defined as $\{p \mid (p.wy = r.wy) \land (p.u \mathrel{\char"2260} r.u)\}$ where $wy$ represents week and year and $u$ represents username
• $I(condition)$ is the indicator function defined as ${ 1 \text{ if true } 0 \text{ if false } }$
• $r.points$ represents the points from the input row

Or expressed in Python with the Pandas DataFrame:

def calculate_weekly_wins_against_all_opponents(row):
    other_player_points = list(matchups.loc[matchups['year'] == row['year']] \
        .loc[matchups['week'] == row['week']] \
        .loc[matchups['username'] != row['username']]['points'])
    wins_against_all_opponents = 0.0
    for other_player_point in other_player_points:
        if other_player_point < row['points']:
            wins_against_all_opponents += 1
    return wins_against_all_opponents
matchups['wins_against_all_opponents'] = matchups.apply(calculate_weekly_wins_against_all_opponents, axis=1)

This function produces an integer between 0 and 11 for any given week that corresponds to the number of teams a player would have beaten (irrespective of who they played against). When looking at the regular season averages over the past four years, we see the order shift slightly in the middle.

Over time, this metric largely correlates with PF. At the top, Scottie leads this metric. At the bottom, Logan's low PF and mediocre PA hurt him again. How about during a smaller time window (e.g., a single season)? Can we start to quantify luck?

Quantifying the Luckiest Seasons

Using Pandas, we can query the total number of actual wins and wins against all opponents ($w_o$) and group by player and season.

matchups.loc[matchups['type'] == 'regular'] /
    .groupby(['username', 'year']) \
    .agg({'actual_win_loss':'sum','wins_against_all_opponents':'sum'})

We can identify anomalous seasons by comparing the actual wins to the number of teams the player would have beaten. Using the following formula, we can convert these deltas to a percentage above or below actual wins (as $Δw$ with $w_a$ as actual wins and $w_o$ as wins over all opponents based on $t$ possible wins in the regular season and $11t$ possible wins over all opponents):

For 2021 and on, $t=14$. For 2020 and prior, $t=13$. Based on this metric, let's look at the top five luckiest seasons:

And the bottom five luckiest seasons:

Caleb's 2022 squad outscored 79 opponents, while Andrew's 2022 team outscored 61. Andrew ended up with ten wins to Caleb's five, thus marking the luckiest season in the league's history.

The Anatomy of a Lucky Season​

First, let's graph Andrew's $w_o$ (y-axis) over each regular season week (x-axis) with purple indicating an actual loss:

While we see that the two weeks in which he scored higher than only one team were actual losses, he benefited from five wins in which he scored higher than only four or fewer teams. Andrew would secure the bye week in the playoffs this season, but ultimately, this lucky run wouldn't matter. Mark's team exposed him as fraudulent in the second round of the playoffs with a commanding 111.52 to 88.87 win. Speaking of Mark, let's look at his $w_o$ for his 2023 campaign to examine a season that ended in victory.

Sure enough, Mark's team benefited in the same way as Andrew's: four wins in which he scored higher than only four or fewer teams. We've finally quantified what luck looks like in the regular season.

The Luckiest and Unluckiest Individual Weeks​

Since $w_o$ values range from 0 to 11, the unluckiest outcome is to score higher than ten other teams and still lose. By the same token, the luckiest would be to outscore only one team and still win. These have happened several times over the past four years. First, the $w_o=10$ losses:

matchups.loc[matchups['type'] == 'regular'] \
    .loc[matchups['wins_against_all_opponents'] == 10] \
    .loc[matchups['actual_win_loss'] == 0] \
    .groupby(['username', 'year', 'week']) \
    .sum()

Next, the $w_o=1$ wins:

matchups.loc[matchups['type'] == 'regular'] \
    .loc[matchups['wins_against_all_opponents'] == 1] \
    .loc[matchups['actual_win_loss'] == 1] \
    .groupby(['username', 'year', 'week']) \
    .sum()

Conclusion​

Over time, luck regresses to the mean. We can spot it in an individual season or week, but luck-based metrics like PA tend to balance out within a few points on average. Skill-based metrics like PF and $w_o$ have wider ranges and identify performance outliers, such as Logan at the bottom of both. However, luck is clearly still required to win the championship, as evidenced by Scottie and Callen, who lead the skill metrics and have yet to win.

Week Twelve Points: 133.9​

This team slaps harder than Will Smith on Oscars night. Having Josh Allen, Nick Chub, and Justin Jefferson makes for a high ceiling and a high floor. Throwing in the fact that Kenneth Walker has kept up a surprisingly good pace of points and Hockenson being traded off the Lions makes this team that much scarier. Even his weak points can rack up some double D points in Deebo and Diante. The one risk is that his bench looks pretty shaky, but if the team stays healthy, only luck will keep Scottie from bringing home the Cathy.

Fullmetal Ekelerist | 8-4W/L | 1317PF​

Week Twelve Points: 117.3​

Coming in at number two, we have Callen. Overall, this is a solid team, and they are consistent. However, I don't think this team comes anywhere close to Scottie's. There is a lot of really good talent on this team, but not a lot of great talent. His list of startable RBs is longer than his hair, but just like it takes more than glorious hair to make an average guy handsome, I think it might take more than solid depth to make a championship team.

Dollar General Box Fans | 6-6W/L | 1261PF​

Week Twelve Points: 115.3​

This team is hitting on all cylinders just at the right time. Christian McCaffery is having an off-game and still putting up solid numbers, which speaks for itself. Godwin is looking back to his true self, and Olave and St. Brown only look better. Pollard is looking more and more like the back to have in Dallas, and now that Conner is back in the mix, he's finally putting up the numbers Mark hoped he would all season. Once Mark gets Keenan Allen in his lineup again, and if Fields keeps ballin' out, this bargain bin team could go from straight blowin' to blowin' the competition away… just like a high-powered Dollar General box fan.

Saquon deez nuts | 9-3W/L | 1184PF​

Week Twelve Points: 95.97​

Andrew is the Jerry Jones of this league. He is good at making you think his team is the best, but when it all comes down to it, they will probably be out in the first round of the playoffs. One look at this team, and you see a bunch of people performing better than they should. Which more or less defines this team as a whole. I don’t think this team has the star power to bring home the trophy. The fact that Andrew has two bench spots taken up by players on IR, including Rashad Penny (have you seen Kenneth Walker play?) instead of shooting his shot in spending his $185 FAAB on Z. Knight shows that this manager doesn’t deserve the Cathy either.

Unaccredited Chili Guy | 4-8W/L | 1341PF​

Week Twelve Points: 101.26​

If I were betting, knowing nothing about this league, I would place money on Trond winning every match against any team except Scottie's. Unfortunately, even when his team is really good, Trond still finds ways to lose, and I don't see this trend stopping just because playoffs happen.

Derrick on Titan | 4-8W/L | 1276PF​

Week Twelve Points: 121.12​

Having the number one, three, and seven RBs in the league should make me one of the top teams in the league. With Nuk and Mike Williams as the WRs, I should be killing it. Unfortunately, the football gods haven't been smiling upon this Denver fan very much this year. Close games never fall my way; injuries and poorly timed bye weeks have made it to where my team will be lucky to make the playoffs this year, but if I do, I'll make some noise.

Cheeseburger Lenny | 6-6W/L | 1249PF​

Week Twelve Points: 123.84​

Is this the new World Beaters? Chris saved up and used all his FAAB money just at the right time to make a push for the playoffs. They were good moves but also very risky. Knight is unproven, and Watson could be very rusty, especially in his first two weeks back (and honestly, I hope he sucks and this backfires on you just because he's a scum bag and because I didn't get him for my $0 play). But if Chris can make it in, he will probably beat Andrews's team.

Jalen the Super Saiyan | 7-5W/L | 1216PF​

Week Twelve Points: 104.92​

For how good the Vikings have been this year, Dalvin Cook has been a bit disappointing, and he is not even the most disappointing RB on Tarv's roster (Najee). Luckily for Tarv, Jalen Hurts has been outstanding, and WR injuries on the Chargers have allowed Palmer to shine. But with the Eagles facing tougher defenses in the coming weeks and Chargers WRs getting healthy, Travis is going to need to hope his RBs figure it out.

JoJo's Ja'Marr Adventure | 4-8W/L | 1232PF​

Week Twelve Points: 94.67​

Outside of Kelce, this team is tough to look at. With Chase out, there isn't much to get excited about here. Watson has been crushing it and helping carry the load, and if Tua could turn his real football points into fantasy points, he'd be a stud. I have this team ranked here because, with a little luck, Carl could get into the playoffs even with the doodiest pair of RBs I've ever seen.

My Hero Alvin Kamaria | 6-6W/L | 1221PF​

Week Twelve Points: 69.57​

This team has potential, but it's boom or bust, and you can tell, looking at K-Man's bench this last week, that it's hard to pick all the booms.

Neon Genesis Etienne | 5-7W/L | 1123PF​

Week Twelve Points: 123.95​

What the hell happened to Kamara this year? Ouch! Harris is out, and even if he wasn't, Stevenson is making a solid case to be the lead back for the Patriots. Davis has been disappointing as well. Joe Burrow and AJ Brown are studs, but it's not enough to carry this trash two-defense team.

Taylor Moon | 5-7W/L | 1183PF​

Week Twelve Points: 108.8​

Yikes. Hey, at least JT finally had a good game, right?

Week Six Points: 128.1​

Topping off the charts with 748 PF is Scottie. This team looks as unstoppable as the 2005 Texas Longhorns. The scary part is points are distributed around the whole team. The bench even has some serviceable contributors in times of need. Barring some bad luck, this team may be headed to the Rose Bowl to battle for the championship.

Unaccredited Chili Guy | 1-5W/L | 661PF​

Week Six Points: 113.0​

Most PA and second highest PF. I should be no lower than 4th.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but the numbers speak for themselves. The offensive unit on this team reminds me a lot of the 1916 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, the historic team that beat Cumberland 222-0. The main difference is that the team went 8-0-1 (with a 7-7 tie to Washington & Lee), while Trond's team is scraping by at 1-5 and 661 PF. It pains me to see Miles Sanders putting up monster numbers after I had so much patience with him last year. Alas, you win some, and you lose some. If Trond can start putting together some dubs, he may fight back into the outright playoff picture. He certainly looks to be a contender for the PF spots.

Saquon deez nuts | 5-1W/L | 638PF​

Week Six Points: 84.5​

Under normal circumstances, I rank this team way lower based on the eye test of the roster. But I can't argue with the 649 PF he's put up this season, and I have no reason to believe that will decrease. If Lincoln Riley taught us anything, offense wins championships, and defense doesn't matter. Yeah, that's not panning out for him at USC as of last weekend, but in the case of both Lincoln and Andrew, we have learned that scheduling a Charmin Soft schedule helps a lot. I don't know where the points will come from going forward, but with the unbelievable 6-0 start, Andrew has some breathing room to figure that out. For the top four playoff spots, a dub is a dub. Unlike OU, Andrew is in a great position to make the playoffs.

Fullmetal Ekelerist | 4-2W/L | 619PF​

Week Six Points: 88.3​

Surprisingly, Callen's team had a down week this week, moving his squad to a respectable 4-2 in the season. The good news is when 88 points is a disappointment, you are in good shape. The other good news is that you don't have Appalachian State on your schedule. Like the Texas A&M Aggies every year, heading into week seven, we must ask ourselves which team we will get down the stretch. Callen's team has put up some monster numbers this year, clocking in at 619 PF. If he stays the course, a playoff spot is likely imminent.

My Hero Alvin Kamaria | 3-3W/L | 617PF​

Week Six Points: 128.4​

Understandably, Logz was busy this weekend (congrats again!). Regardless, his team gave him another reason to celebrate by grabbing the highest PF of the week with a whopping 128. That brings his PF on the season to a respectable 617. Much like OU's opponents this season, points this week were distributed generously all over the place, which is good to see in a potential playoff contender. At 3-3, he's certainly in the mix to take one of the top four spots, and if not, he should have a shot at the PF spots if his team continues to play well. You might want to check on Robbie Anderson, though. Dude went absolutely off the rails on the sideline this week. Big brain move, keeping him on your bench.

Cheeseburger Lenny | 2-4W/L | 607PF​

Week Six Points: 100.1​

Xylophone sounds in the distance are what I heard after getting my first dub in five attempts this week, bringing me to 2-4. Big shout out to the Denver Broncos for laying another egg and not utilizing Melvin Gordon. At 607 PF, while respectable, it looks more and more like that may be my only shot at the playoffs this season. While not unrealistic to make the playoffs outright, I will have to transform into the Kansas State Wildcats real quick so I can start winning with some consistency. Jimmy Neutron's move, starting with Deon Jackson this week, really helped me. Going to have to start getting clever on the waiver if I want to break into the mix. Go Cats!

Jalen the Super Saiyan | 4-2W/L | 602PF​

Week Six Points: 82.4​

Michael Pittman did a great job this week with a monster game. But, like many of Jimbo Fisher's in-game adjustments, did it matter in the end? With John having a down week, Tarv's team moved to 4-2 on the season with 602 PF registered. He's in the mix for an outright playoff spot, but if the pack catches him, he better hope for some Johnny Manziel numbers in the PF column down the stretch. Right now, though, much like Jimbo on a 10-year contract, there's not much to be worried about.

Dollar General Box Fans | 3-3W/L | 591PF​

Week Six Points: 73.2​

OU beat an overrated CFB team this week, but the Dollar General (Booty) Box Fans couldn't replicate the magic. Granted, Mrak had four players out on his bench, but it's a next-man-up mentality for the Box Fans. In one of the lower-scoring battles of the week, Mark was edged out by an underwhelming squad that continues to defy the odds. It's hard to believe we witnessed a fantasy match-up where Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady combined for fewer points than Trevor Lawrence, but here we are. At 2-4 and 591 PF, Mrak will have to harness some Sooner Magic and start putting up some points and dubs. It's a long season, so anything is possible.

Derrick on Titan | 2-4W/L | 589PF​

Week Six Points: 71.6​

My rule is backfiring.

Contrary to his previous two weeks, Geno Smith did not have a good game, putting this hamstrung team (due to byes) into a poor position. It was a valiant effort by Claeb's team in the loss, but Logan had all the magic this week. With a 2-4 record and 589 PF, he's in the same position as the Denver Broncos and many teams in this league. Not last, in the mix, but time to kick it into gear. He's gaining some key contributors off bye next week, which should greatly help him.

JoJo's Ja'Marr Adventure | 2-4W/L | 589PF​

Week Six Points: 88.7​

Another week, another Kirk Cousins disappointment. The QBs this week did pretty poorly, so it's not like he's the only one. It was a tough week for Carl, losing winnable games with his fantasy team and the Chiefs. Kelce had a great game, but I was waiting for him to pop off the whole time. Melvin Gordon essentially laid an egg on Monday night with the Broncos and sealed the deal for this team. Like the Chiefs, Carl controls his destiny. He is in the same situation that half the league is at 2-4 and 589 PF. Lots of runway left in the season. May the best manager win the coveted playoff spots.

Taylor Moon | 3-3W/L | 588PF​

Week Six Points: 53.7​

My team got bad fast.

The rapid decline of this team is genuinely shocking. While byes impacted John this week, the team could only muster 53 points, including 20 from Mark Andrews. With John, we all know he should never be counted out. At 3-3 and 588 PF, he's certainly in the mix with the one-game advantage on half the league. I think John and I have been turning in fantasy karma for KSU Wildcat karma, and I'm fully here for it. Cats by 90 this weekend.

Najeeruto | 2-4W/L | 570PF​

Week Six Points: 116.7​

Sorry that you came across my team as it’s exploding into its final form.

Sheesh, K-Man. With 116 this week to edge out Trond, I could see this team moving up the rankings quickly. Lawrence and Diggs balled out, and contributions came from nearly everywhere. At 2-4 and 570 PF, K-Man's squad is right there with half the league. Much like the Golden Hurricane, although with a slow start, K-Man is still in the mix for postseason play.

Week Two Points: 121.5​

It was a close race for first place, but I'm giving Callen a slight edge. He's been building for a while, and it's finally paying off. His efforts are stacked. Everything has just been pulling together nicely. The beard is strong, but the flow is where Callen got my #1 vote. It's thick and luscious; enough said.

Fantasy ranking, I guess, #7. Callen wins comeback player of the week with a strong showing in week two. Minus a TE egg, he had a very round performance, getting some boom numbers from Jones. The big question is if this team can stay consistent.

Cheeseburger Lenny | 1-1W/L | 228PF​

Week Two Points: 117.8​

Chris is a close second, also with the nice flow. I'll admit my length bias here. Any man who is bold enough to let it flow gets points in my book. The beard is also strong, another complete package.

TWIATH: #5. Chris is looking solid, even with some room for improvement. He has a reasonably high floor. Waddle going off this week also didn't hurt.

Unaccredited Chili Guy | 1-1W/L | 229PF​

Week Two Points: 108.5​

These rankings couldn’t have been more biased against my top drawer team.

A strong case could be made for Trond at #1, but I'm going with my recency bias and beard bias and putting Callen and Chris ahead. The flow is also majestic with Trond, though.

TWIATH: #8. Trond is still looking in great shape, even if it's boom or bust. Between the former dynamic duo of Mahomes and Hill, he has a ton of upside. I'm not sure why Trond didn't draft any RBs though., though.

My Hero Alvin Kamaria | 1-1W/L | 197PF​

Week Two Points: 92.3​

Rounding out the long-haired tier 1 bois is Logan, who has yet again had a very nice flow. How does one-third of our league have this going for them? Once again, the lack of a beard keeps Logz from the top spots.

TWIATH: #10. Logz is staying above 90 points, but that's about it. How long can he ride TB's defense?

Derrick on Titan | 1-1W/L | 159PF​

Week Two Points: 93.8​

Between the curls and thickness, Claeb takes the top non-long-hair bois spot. It's just a good head of hair. Maybe he could compete for the top spot if the full curl-fro was grown out. 10/10 beard as well.

TWIATH: #12. With a two-week PF under 160, not much can be done now. John Albert Elway Jr. is disappointed in you.

Saquon deez nuts | 2-0W/L | 231PF​

Week Two Points: 115.8​

Carlos comes in at a solid performance, maintaining a solid head of hair and strong performance from the five o'clock shadow beard.

TWIATH: #2. Somehow, the lone undefeated team, Carlos, is still looking solid. Although slightly off the PF lead, he's been the most consistent. It will be hard to keep him from a solid bye-worthy record.

Najeeruto | 1-1W/L | 224PF​

Week Two Points: 133.8​

brb booking an Airbnb on the Branson strip for next August.

Matt rounds out the full-hair boys with a solid head of hair once again paired with a great beard. Nothing to complain about here. It was looking especially fresh in those wedding photos.

TWIATH: #6. I'll give K-Man some recency credit and bump him up here to the sixth spot. With the #1 WR in Diggs currently and the #3 TE in Waller, he has a lot of potential. He'll have to stay on this boom train to make the playoffs.

Dragonball Zeke | 1-1W/L | 240PF​

Week Two Points: 113.5​

Why are the bald bros towards the end of the list? What injustice is this? Is the mainstream media creating a bias against those more follically challenged? Do I need to step back and reflect on my unconscious pro-hair biases? Probably. Anyway, Scottie takes the top spot here due to the epic beard. Once again, the tie goes to length.

TWIATH: #4. Although a little more boom-heavy like myself, Scottie is in a great spot with the #1 RB and #1 QB. If the rest of his lineup catches up to his big boys, this team is very scary.

Travis, Mark, and Carl. I can't choose between these three, so I'm calling it a tie. All these bald men are beautiful. Their beards are strong and thick. They're fit—the full bald package.​

Jalen the Super Saiyan | 1-1W/L | 241PF​

Week Two Points: 111.7​

TWIATH Travis: #1. With the most PF (by 0.11), I'm taking Tarv for the #1 spot this week. With the #3 QB and the #2 RB, Tarv should be watched closely.

Dollar General Box Fans | 1-1W/L | 182PF​

Week Two Points: 101.9​

TWIATH Mark: #9. Mark is in a good spot, even though the numbers aren't there yet. He can do some damage in the long run with a solid RB core. St. Brown is currently on fire, so that's nice.

JoJo's Ja'Marr Adventure | 0-2W/L | 177PF​

Week Two Points: 78.3​

I'm starting to worry about my team.

TWIATH Carl: #11. It was a rough week for Cral, not even breaking the 80-point mark. A couple of well-worded Instagram DMs to his player can get them up to playing to their potential.

Taylor Moon | 1-1W/L | 239PF​

Week Two Points: 137.7​

Welp, here I am. Stuck in between two worlds. The front is doing alright, but the back is retreating quickly. I probably should shave it. But I can't yet, you know? I'm just not ready to take that step. For that reason, I will sit here in my last-place ranking with a decent beard.

TWIATH: #3. I may not stay here, but I'm in a good spot. With Lamar's high ceiling, Andrews's productivity, JT in the waiting, and three top-25 WRs, things aren't looking bad.

Week One Points: 115.5​

TFW you waste an entire roster spot all year for Michael Thomas, then decide not to start him for his first game in two years, and he scores two TDs.

I really hate putting Carlos here, but his team is looking stacked. Aaron Rodgers had probably the worst game of his season, although I think his ceiling this season is significantly lower without Davantae Adams. Carlos could easily stream a better quarterback if he doesn't work out. Micahel Thomas looks like Michael Thomas again. I think Carlos might have the best running back depth in the league. We just might be drafting in Amarillo and eating 72oz steaks.

Jalen the Super Saiyan | 1-0W/L | 129PF​

Week One Points: 130.0​

Ok, but the Big XII has only played one team from the Sun Belt. Let me know when y'all play real teams.

I like Tarv's team overall. His wide receivers are looking a bit weak right now, but I still think that Devonta Smith will take a big step forward this year. I still have no idea who the hell Isiah Pacheco is. If he splits carries with Clyde Edwards-Helaire, Tarv might have some serious running back depth.

Dragonball Zeke | 1-0W/L | 127PF​

Week One Points: 127.1​

It's another Colt game. I'll say it. It would have whipped Bama if Ewers didn't get injured. We would have won if the refs didn't fuck us on that missed face mask, safety, etc. We lost by one with a second-string quarterback limping around the field.

My streak of 100+ point weeks continues. Even with starting a tight end at flex, who got zero points, my team won comfortably over John. Darrell Henderson could be a quality flex option, depending on how the Cam Akers situation shakes out. Zeke looked like some poo poo, but the Cowboys also did overall. With Dak being out, I expect his workload to increase. My team needs Kenneth Walker III to come back and take the starting job from Rashaad Penny. Thanks again for Justin Jefferson, K-Man!

Taylor Moon | 0-1W/L | 102PF​

Week One Points: 102.3​

I'm delighted to hand John an L to start the season. However, this team has Johnathan Taylor, so he'll make the playoffs. Even if Cam Akers gets banished to the Shadow Realm, this roster is deep enough to stay and contend for another championship. As always, don't trade with John.

Cheeseburger Lenny | 1-0W/L | 109PF​

Week One Points: 109.6​

Like K-State, Chris got a free dub this week by playing a bum-ass team. Crams' squad has some high upside, but I am concerned about depth. Kareem Hunt is technically second on the depth chart, but I expect him to put up big numbers on the reg. Joe Mixon and Leonard Fournette should provide ample touches as well. After that, I see a lot of feast or famine. Jalen Waddle could finish as a top-five receiver, but he had a lot of ups and downs last year. I'm not sure if Tyreek Hill helps or hurts his targets yet. Much like another number one overall system quarterback from Oklahoma, Kyler Murray did not look sharp. Tee Higgins is banged up. Unfortunately, I see this team trending down.

Unaccredited Chili Guy | 1-0W/L | 121PF​

Week One Points: 121.3​

It's unreal how well we draft for Trond every year. In the next draft, we'll get him to attend by saying that we will film it and do interviews in the style of his beloved Joe Rogan. This dude can't even be bothered to set his lineup and put up 120+ points this week. Alexa, play I'm Upset by Drake. I'm looking forward to Trondheim's explanation in Discord about how auto-drafting is a low-key galaxy brain move on his part. "I knew that y'all would draft zero RBs for me." Anyway, he's going to run this team into the ground. There is no way that Miles Sanders and Cordarrelle Patterson will end up being top running backs.

Dollar General Box Fans | 0-1W/L | 80PF​

Week One Points: 80.5​

Mark's team is solid, but I must question the homer-ass decision to start Tony Pollard over Amon-Ra St. Brown. My brother in Christ, you need to watch some Hard Knocks. There's too much talent on this roster for such few points. Coincidentally, that's what Brent Venables said to Oklahoma after the Kent State game.

JoJo's Ja'Marr Adventure | 0-1W/L | 99PF​

Week One Points: 99.6​

I have no idea where the hell to rank this team. As usual, I don't know what the hell this team is either. There are some elite players and huge question marks. I have a feeling Carl is going to recycle half of his roster this week, so I'm not going to spend much time writing about it.

Najeeruto | 0-1W/L | 90PF​

Week One Points: 90.8​

Stafford confirmed washed.

The reigning champ looks vulnerable right now. Without big weeks from Steffon Diggs and AJ Dillion, this team would be getting the Claeb treatment in the power rankings. Many rookies are on this roster, so seeing how the talent develops will be interesting. That being said, a significant portion of this roster relies on the Raiders, Jaguars, and Jets offenses. That does not spark joy.

My Hero Alvin Kamaria | 1-0W/L | 105PF​

Week One Points: 105.1​

Logz had a strong start in week one, but his team's outlook is bleak. Elijah Mitchell is gone for eight weeks. Alvin Kamara only got a little work in week one. Damien Harris once again proved that you can't trust the Patriots' backfield. His bench's performance wasn't inspiring either. To be mediocre, this team will require exceptional performances week-to-week from cornerstones like Gabe Davis and AJ Brown. I can only imagine Logz being as reluctant to set his lineup right now as Shinji piloting the Evangelion Unit 01.

Fullmetal Ekelerist | 0-1W/L | 79PF​

Week One Points: 79.7​

Jimbo will never be that guy. He's gonna win games this year for sure. Wouldn't even be surprised if we upset Bama again after the weakness they showed today. But he showed he'll never be able to put together an entire season. We'll get some highlight wins once or twice a year for the next eight years or however long he's here. Maybe an NY6 bowl game every few years. But he's never going to be able to put together a season that competes for a natty. The only reason he could do it at FSU was because he snuck in before Clemson rose up and had a Heisman winner push him through the playoffs. None of that will happen for him at A&M. We'll end up 8-4 again this year, and that's that.

Between Texas A&M's seven (7) offensive points against a Sun Belt team and this atrocious fantasy performance, the kind of football that Callen watched this weekend belongs on the History Channel. However, some key pieces had an uncharacteristic terrible week. I expect this team to trend up when Austin Ekeler and Aaron Jones return to their usual selves.

Derrick on Titan | 0-1W/L | 65PF​

Week One Points: 65.7​

I'm a sad boi.

In my work league, one of my coworkers only drafted players with the letter 'J' in their name. Somehow, that roster is way more cohesive than Claeb's. This would have been a shit week for you if Derrick Henry was Derrick Henry on Sunday. Instead, it's a dogshit one. If Julio Jones maintains chemistry with Tom Brady (and Claeb starts him), this team could have a rise from shit to cheeks.

Week Nine Points: 92.0​

Big sad about UT and the 'Stros. My fantasy team is looking good though. Pulling for your fantasy team as well so that we have a better chance for a Holland, Michigan draft in 2022.

Scottie wasn't quite able to pull out the win against Mark's season-high outburst, but he is still tied for the top record, number one in points, and has scored in the league's top half in the past three weeks. His team is buoyed by his studs (Tom Brady, soon-to-be number-one RB Jonathan Taylor, and Deebo Samuel) while getting serviceable production from Justin Jefferson and Noah Fant (when he doesn't, you know, have COVID). AJ Brown will probably need to be relied on even more, given that the Titans are missing Derrick Henry's production. So long as his stars stay healthy, he's got the firepower to stay on top.

Steppe Brother | 6-3W/L | 904PF​

Week Nine Points: 74.0​

TU continued its tradition of performing well as a significant underdog, extending its streak of covering against ranked opponents to 11 games in a row.

My team squeaked out a win over Trond this weekend, with Matthew Stafford salvaging what could've been a devastating fantasy performance. Stafford, Ja'Marr Chase, and Travis Kelce continue to be my team's MVPs, while other skill players (Moore, McLaurin, Harris) pitch in enough to keep me in contention. With Michael Carter on the rise and David Montgomery returning from IR, my team could be on the upswing as long as DJ Moore and McLaurin bounce back from their respective offenses' funks.

Zeke Squad | 5-4W/L | 921PF​

Week Nine Points: 72.8​

At the end of the year, at least I have a Crop Judging title.

John's team's production has fallen off in recent weeks, but he's still bolstered in the standings by his blistering start to the season. Cordarelle Patterson has carried his team in his 'Ice Ice Baby' Memorial One-Hit wonder season and the Sooners-to-Raven's pass-catching tandem of Marquise Brown and Mark Andrews. John would probably love to see Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs offense get back on track and Zeke get back to his early season success. Josh Jacobs is bouncing back well from his earlier injury, and Tyler Lockett will benefit from having Russ back in the fold. If some things break right for John, this team could be right back in the mix.

all i know is pain | 6-3W/L | 840PF​

Week Nine Points: 84.2​

I was gonna pick up Andrew Yang off the waiver wire and start him at RB with all the running he’s been doing but I think he’s partying too much these days.

Andrew Yang would've provided some much-needed RB depth to this squad, but Chris still got the W this weekend. The Oracle strikes again by starting Elijah Moore and Jordan Howard while getting enough from everyone else to tie for first place. Things will be much better getting the Russ-to-DK connection back from injury and bye, respectively. Things could improve even further once Clyde returns, and if Jeremy McNichols can get in on some of that post-Derrick Henry snap share, this team could continue its upward trajectory.

Glizzy Guzzlers | 4-5W/L | 886PF​

Week Nine Points: 121.5​

Who is Derrick Gore? Why is he taking all my points? Why has God forsaken my fantasy team? Is it because Logan watches more anime than me? Where do babies come from? Why so the keep making so many star wars spinoffs? How do magnets work?

Callen missed out on scoring in the top half of the league this week due to a down week in fantasy football, but it was still enough to smoke Carl's squad. Jalen Hurts, his trio of top-ten RBs, and Hunter Henry all make this squad scary. Callen is very opportunistic as well, picking up Darrel Williams while CEH is on the shelf, nabbing AP out of the retirement home when Derrick Henry went down, and snagging ODB when the Browns jettisoned him to find greener pastures. All that while picking up A&M legend after Scottie unceremoniously dumped him. If Cooks and Lamb can continue with their solid years, this squad will continue to put numbers on the board and will, at the very least, contend for a PF spot in the playoffs.

Jordan '96 '97 | 6-3W/L | 822PF​

Week Nine Points: 98.9​

A&M Football >Cowboys >Astros >That 3rd TWIATH ring >>>

Travis scored the second-most points this week on the backs of season-high marks from Devonta Smith, Pat Freiermuth, and (somehow) the Dolphin's defense. Regardless of the luck associated with the last one, the multitude of Tarv's rookie players seem to be hitting their stride right when it counts. Josh Allen will assuredly bounce back, and Devontae Booker is filling in admirably for Saquon Barkley, who also happens to be waiting in the wings on Tarv's team. If D'Andre Swift can get his production back up, I don't think this is the last time we will see Tarv scoring in the upper echelon of the league.

Pole Assassin’s Monkey | 4-5W/L | 859PF​

Week Nine Points: 120.7​

One of these days we will play without a player on your team going for 50 lol.

Mark secured the bag this week despite Jonathan Taylor giving him quite the scare in the TNF game. Dak played a bad IRL football game but contributed just enough from a fantasy perspective. Nick Chubb and James Connor both exploded, but unfortunately, they may be headed in opposite directions. Chubb navigates the COVID protocol, and James Connor takes on a more significant workload with Chase Edmonds' injury. Jakobi Meyers still does not have a regular season touchdown, and Chuba Hubbard's relevance is trending downward with the return of C-Mac, which all hurt the projections for this team moving forward. However, George "Brittle" Kittle returned to action for the first time in a month and looked to have picked up where he left off. Mark will be right in the post-season mix if his starters can stay healthy.

GLOATS Team Lead | 4-5W/L | 807PF​

Week Nine Points: 80.3​

Sounds like you just need to get your hands on some more alpha brain.

Logan alpha-brained his backup QB situation, with Kirk Cousins filling in well for Kyler on his bye week. Joe Mixon continued on his top-five RB campaign. Although the decision to play two players widely considered to see an increase of action in their respective offenses (Bryan Edwards, Jerry Jeudy) didn't quite pan out, there is room for both to see more action on the back end of the season. Logan may be quietly creeping into the playoff picture looking in, and his team is still dangerous with Darrell Henderson and Deandre Hopkins on the slate to return.

Uncle Cral's Little Dogs | 4-5W/L | 830PF​

Week Nine Points: 54.6​

I'm bout to just give my team to Neal and let him finish out the season for me.

Carl's team is spiraling at the moment. Outside of Joe Burrow, Darren Waller, and a superlative season from Cooper Kupp, this team is comprised of backups and disappointments. Keenan Allen has yet to live up to his usual standards, Kenny Golladay hasn't lived up to his offseason payday, and James Robinson looked to be on a roll before getting hurt. Hopefully, he is back in short order, though. Aside from those players, no one else is at the top of the depth chart of their respective positions on their teams (aside from Marvin Jones, I suppose, but being the best WR on the Jags right now is a low bar to clear). This team must hope that the Giants' passing game will step it up (yikes) and that James Robinson will return to full strength soon. Otherwise, this may be a lost season for Carl.

These rankings are trash | 2-7W/L | 822PF​

Week Nine Points: 70.8​

What the actual fuck are these rankings?

Andrew's team looks much better on paper than what's been reflected in its performance. Justin Herbert has built upon an exceptional and surprising rookie season, Michael Pittman and Mike Evans have quietly been having top-ten WR seasons, and Kyle Pitts is one of the first rookie TEs to live up to the hype. Unfortunately, Christian McCaffrey and Antonio Gibson have both been slowed by injury, which is basically decimating his RB corps. If they can come back to full strength, this team could make some noise, but will it be enough to overcome a slow first half of the season? Will Andrew seek to bolster his roster for a second-half push or hold on to Michael Thomas as a sneaky keeper? Time will tell.

GodWinsGunninRunninNuns | 5-4W/L | 764PF​

Week Nine Points: 64.1​

My team really needed to play its bench this week cause my starting line up is too good.

How this team has a 5-4 record despite having the lowest PF is astounding to me. Kudos to Caleb's fantasy defense for holding his opponents to the fourth-lowest PA in the league. A stellar rookie season from Najee Harris and a breakout year for Mike Gesicki are keeping this team afloat. It does not help that Aaron Rodgers has COVID and is currently embroiled in controversy or that Chris Carson and TY Hilton have been hurt for most of the season. If Jarvis Landry can soak up some extra targets without ODB, Chris Godwin can continue his underrated season, and Allen Robinson can help Justin Fields by playing better football, then this team can squeak out enough wins to earn a playoff berth. If not, it might find its record reflecting the scores it has been putting up.

Unaccredited Chili Guy | 2-7W/L | 800PF​

Week Nine Points: 69.9​

It’s alright I’m just playing @K-Man. Historically, he lets me win every time.

Trond's season has been a tale of two quarters. Through the first five weeks, he had scored in the upper half of the league three out of five of the weeks. Ever since then, his team has been in the basement. What happened? For starters, objectively the best in the league, his WR corps has either cooled off, played inconsistently, or suffered from injuries. His top three WRs (Mike Williams, Tyreek Hill, and Davante Adams) still can go toe-to-toe with anyone in the league, but he'll need consistency to compete. Lamar Jackson and TJ Hockenson are having solid seasons, but they can't compensate for Trond's rough RB situation. His only option is Kareem Hunt, who is currently on IR but is eligible to return soon. That can't happen soon enough for Trond because the rest of his RB options are, as Logan has put it, "unstartable."

Week Four Points: 127.9​

That is frustrating when you hit that point in the season where you lose all hope.

John’s magic from his preseason trade with the dingus that traded him Patrick Mahomes is starting to take shape. I am convinced John is selling Chiefs and Cats losses to the football gods in exchange for fantasy dubs. Patty Ice Mahomes and Zeke are starting to heat up. The supporting cast carried their weight for the most part yet again. Even excluding Cordarrelle Patterson’s 30-burger on the bench, John managed 118 points. If John had started Zack Moss in week three, his team would have been undefeated. Perhaps he should have changed his name to the Zack Squad that week. This team may seem inconsistent at times, but they aren’t. This team is terrifying. Somebody, please trade with this man to throw off his team balance. If the Zeke Squad stays injury-free, send the weekly money winnings to John now.

Moore Cowbell | 3-1W/L | 431PF​

Week Four Points: 110.5​

I had a team of all Lions players one year in FF. It probably would've worked better as a golf team.

In my eyes, K-Man’s team is consistently good. In four weeks, his scores have hit within a score range window of 104-111, which is tighter than a Lions fan’s b-hole during that Justin Tucker walk-off record-breaking field goal last week. Matthew Stafford is proving what everyone knew: the Lions are that bad. Somehow, the Texans are worse. The good news for K-Man is that his fantasy team is better than both teams combined. If you want to beat this team, you better bring your A-game.

Hot Chubb Time Machine | 2-2W/L | 373PF​

Week Four Points: 69.4​

One man's trash is another man's mids level treasure

Brutal loss this week. So close, but yet so far. I hope you find solace in the fact that starting one of your bench players would not have resulted in a win. Dalvin Cook let you down this week. You would have got the dub if he had put up even half of his average score. We call this a “moral victory” in the land of the Wildcats. This is what I prescribe to you to get over this loss. It doesn’t help. In all seriousness, I think this team is better than the record it has. I am not looking forward to playing against HCTM.

Jordan '96 '97 | 3-1W/L | 371PF​

Week Four Points: 61.8​

Bama -17 vs Texas A&M seems like disrespect to Bama

Much like Jordan himself: another week, another dub. While this week was not as dominant, a dub is a dub. Many points were left on the bench, which means this team, like A&M opponents of late, did not perform as poorly as expected, regardless, pulled out the victory. Tarv has given himself some padding in the W column. If this team can avoid the injury bug, it could work its way up into the upper class of the league. If not, he may have to resort to his backups. I’d try to avoid that if I were you; we all know how that worked out for the Aggies.

All Gaskin No Breaks | 2-2W/L | 385PF​

Week Four Points: 101.5​

I wonder if Brady can get me the $20

Scooter's team drops 108 points, including an 11-point dud from the most accomplished 'system quarterback' of all time: Tom Brady. Who in the world is Deebo Samuel, and who's throwing him the ball? This man is out here averaging 16.5 points per game. At some point, you can't call it a fluke anymore. I'm officially on the DEEBO TRAIN. Other than Miles "No Smiles" Gaskin and the doo-doo Dolphins defense, the rest of this team showed up this weekend. The depth of this team is NOT GREAT, BOB. But who cares when Noah Fant is averaging seven points per game? It seems like this team is on an upward trend. Scottie is one pecan cold brew away from taking his team to the next level.

Uncle Cral's Little Dogs | 2-2W/L | 413PF​

Week Four Points: 129.9​

I don't want a guy on my team that I hate watching

Much like Cral's Snapchats, this team is a mixed bag that gets better every time you look at it. Unfortunately, Cral took the L this week, but I'll need to see a more disappointing week to count this team out. Cooper Kupp had his first 'disappointing' outing, and he wasn't the only one. The receiving corps looked more like a receiving corpse. Marvin Jones may be in for a long season if Urban Meyer can't keep himself out of trouble, but DJ Chark out for the season after getting steamrolled by his teammate could help. Despite this, I don't want to play against this team. Derrick Henry is an absolute galactico tank. I expect Uncle Cral's Little Dogs will be in every game it plays.

God Wins Gunnin Runnin Nuns | 3-1W/L | 366PF​

Week Four Points: 107.0​

And that was the only happiness I experienced that day

Like the Denver Broncos, I am somewhat skeptical of this team. But I cannot deny the 3-1 record. Other than Najee Harris, this was a rough week for the RBs. When Mike Gesicki is outscoring the combined score of Melvin Gordon and Chris Carson, we have problems. But much like the early Broncos, you still waved the victory flag. The schedule is heating up against the Zeke Squad next week, but unlike the Broncos, this team has the ceiling to beat any team in the league on any night. If the stars align, Claeb’s team could make some moves upward.

Glizzy Guzzlers | 1-3W/L | 378PF​

Week Four Points: 121.5​

Find me three wins on the A&M schedule and I'll give you a dollar

This is a case of a good team with bad luck. I’d say Callen left too many points on the bench, but John also had a sleeping giant on his bench. Like A&M has discovered multiple times this year, Callen found himself in a game he was truly outplayed in. I can’t at 1-3, but I wanted to rank this team higher. Ekeler is a beast this year, and if things start clicking, the Guzzlers could quickly move up to near the top of the rankings by the end of the season. I believe Callen has the eye of the tiger that Jimbo lacks, and unlike the Fightin’ Texas Aggie football team, will claw his way back potentially into a playoff spot.

These rankings are trash | 1-3W/L | 355PF​

Week Four Points: 95.4​

Callen, tell your Texans boys to get their shit together. I need a touchdown

Trash, indeed. Like Mike Davis, Adam Thielen, Henry Ruggs, and Michael Pittman this week. If I had a dollar for every time Henry Ruggs dropped a pass last night, I would have a whole lot of money. Gronk being out hurt this team a bit, but he should return in a few weeks. Andrew's team could become a bit dangerous if Adam Thielen and Mike Davis return to their old ways. But at 1-3, this team has some work to do to get out of the hole they've dug for themselves.

Long hair, beautiful nose | 1-3W/L | 388PF​

Week Four Points: 106.2​

How TF do you get blanked 40-0.. Texans need to start over

Not a lot to say here. Tyreek Hill scored nearly half the points, and Trond's team lost by 10. Granted, that can happen when you start players who aren't planning to take the field. Nyheim Hines went all-out with a -0.90 contribution. There's some potential here, but if Georgia Tech football has taught us anything over the years, trying the same thing that's not working doesn't work. There are lots of games left, but this team needs to shake some things up to light a rallying spark

GLOATS Team Lead | 1-3W/L | 330PF​

Week Four Points: 87.6​

FF is so dumb. How do I go from being the highest scorer week 1 to having the lowest PF in the entire league?

In the true character of a proper GLOATS Team Lead, Logz started a player listed as 'out' and garnered negative points from his defense, thanks to his starting QB. This week, the saving grace for this team is that DJ Chark got truck-sticked in the ankle and is out for the season. This could open the game for Shenault. That is, if Urban Meyer isn't too hungover on gameday. It was a rough start, but enough games are left to turn it around with some waiver wire magic.

all i know is pain | 2-2W/L | 384PF​

Week Four Points: 73.1​

Sports is dumb. 100%

This team breaks my heart week in and week out. It seems like we are never healthy, and when we are, the ball doesn’t bounce our way in 50/50 plays. I’ve told myself for years that I love this team no matter what, and I do, but all I know is pain. I feel like that little A&M dog lying on the turf with tears in its eyes, but the tears represent both pain and love for me. I will forever be a Wildcat #emaw. Now for my fantasy team. This is unequivocally the most fraudulent team on the face of the planet. I cannot rely on my defense to score this many points weekly to make the playoffs. DJ Chark is out for the season three plays into the game. Big Brain Jimmy Neutron moves, starting him at the last second. Les Miles could probably manage this team better than I have been. I will have to find my way onto the waiver wire at some point; otherwise, I’m one injury away from becoming publicly exposed as the fraud I am.

Week Three Points: 110.5​

Bring back kickers.

My team continues to consistently put up big numbers as a unit, with individual contributors varying week-to-week. Stafford is a top-5 QB as he finally change out the big D for vitamin D. It turns out that Ja'Marr chase was sandbagging during the preseason, much to my relief. But really, I'm being buoyed by Travis Kelce and the Saints' defense, both playing at the peak of their powers currently. There could be trouble on the horizon if my RBs don't find some level of consistency, but currently the outlook is 75 and sunny, just like it is for my boy Stafford. My team's soulfood is currently the avocado toast fueling Matt Stafford's LA renaissance.

#IDeserveThe$20 | 2-1W/L | 326PF​

Week Three Points: 129.9​

Maybe ConocoPhillips was holding me back from the Cathy. And getting plat[inum] in LoL.

Things are looking good for Cral right now. Since the world is now your oyster, you could travel to Philly to cheer on Jalen Hurts, your top-5 QB, in person, or go to Nashville to pay homage to the man, myth, and legend Derrick Henry. James Robinson looks to have finally come back online, hopefully Urban Meyer realizes that it's okay to help your rookie QB a little. MJJ, Keenan Allen, and Darren Waller have all been consistent and high-performing, but the real revelation has been Cooper Kupp's absolute dominance. Factor in a rising Tony Pollard and resurgent Brandon Aiyuk, and Cral's team is deep and dangerous. Carl's team's soulfood is Hot Fish from Bolton's Spicy Chicken & Fish in Nashville, because he's a spicyboi.

Zeke Squad | 2-1W/L | 338PF​

Week Three Points: 127.9​

Let me know if you have any gut feelings for this week's WW or WW trash. PM, of course.

John's team took a bit of a hit this week, but powered by his preseason trade with Cramsey (both the fact that he got Patrick Mahomes and the energy he absorbed from the trade itself), John remains in the upper echelon of the league. Mahomie continues to be a magician, despite KC's woes as a team. Zeke is still eating, Cordarrelle Patterson is a viable fantasy option because OF COURSE he is, he's on John's team, and TD Lockett will definetly bounce back from John's hubristic proclamation. The rest of John's starters are all solid on a week to week basis, even Cole "Heavy 1s" Beasley. Add in the fact that Josh Jacobs is bound to make a comeback, Zack Moss is making noise, and Diontae Johnson is also on his bench? John's team will just get better. John's team's soulfood is a burnt ends sandwich from Joe's Kansas City BBQ because even what are supposed to be the scraps are incredible.

Jordan '96 '97 | 2-1W/L | 282PF​

Week Three Points: 61.8​

Even though A&M's fortunes were not so good this weekend, there was no such pain to numb in fantasy football for Travis. Tarv's team has been a bit of a rollercoaster through three weeks but finally in the upswing. Josh Allen, Saquon Barkley, and De'Andre Swift all made good on their potential week-to-week overwhelming for Cramsey to overcome. Although Tarv's triumvirate of former Alabama WR's was quiet on the day, they are still formidable and will bounce back. Javonte Williams looks like he's starting to come into his own. If some of Tarv's young guns (Sermon, Moore) or seasoned vets (Davis, Sanders) currently residing on his bench continue to hit, this will be a tough matchup for anyone. Tarv's teams soulfood is a basket of Cajun Honey Butter BBQ wings from Bar-Bill Tavern in Buffalo, because Josh Allen brought back the sweet heat this week.

Long hair, beautiful nose | 1-2W/L | 312PF​

Week Three Points: 106.2​

Hey, Logz, big fan of what you're doing with that squad over there.

Trond's team is currently 4th in points for in our league, and a couple of bad bounces from being ranked even higher. Ironically, he got his first W this season in his worst showing. Trond's team is pretty consistent throughout, with multiple top-10 players (Lamar Jackson, Kareem Hunt, Davante Adams) holding things down and a couple of top-5 players (TJ Hockenson, Panthers D) boosting his performance in key positions. Although his top performers have room to get even better, his team was held back by some of the more lackluster players like Julio, Nyheim Hines, and JJSS. Additionally, Trond's bench looks slightly more reminiscent of a QB super-flex league than our current format. If his stars continue to shine bright and potentially brighter, Trond just might taste the post season this year, and not just as a spectator. Trond's team's soulfood is corned beef sandwich from Slyman's in Cleveland, because he really piled it on against Logz.

God Wins Gunnin Runnin Nuns | 2-1W/L | 280PF​

Week Three Points: 107.0​

I'm a bad manager.

Fear not Claeb, for you are not a bad manager, just an unlucky one this week. Although you dropped a close one to Mark, you still sit 2-1 on the season with plenty of reasons for optimism. Aaron Rodgers seems to have found his way after a shaky debut. Chris Carson and Najee Harris are both looking like very solid running back options. Chris Godwin is back to his top-10 WR ways, and your hometown cooking is smelling pretty good with Melvin Gordon and the Denver D. You've got a lot of depth at WR, especially Juice comes back and AJ Green starts to look more like the 2012-2017 version of himself. If this team maintains consistency, it will certainly be in the playoff mix, but you'll just need to hope that you don't run into an RB depth issues. Claeb's team's soulfood is that classic Colorado BBQ, a slice of sumptuous brisket from Smok, because it will need to be slow and steady in order to have a shot.

Hot Chubb Time Machine | 2-1W/L | 270PF​

Week Three Points: 69.4​

We're nothing if not entertaining.

Although this quote was meant for Mrak's Cowboys, it could easily be applied to his fantasy football performance as well. His team has been a bit all over the place in terms of scoring through the first three weeks, but he finally managed to crack the top half of teams in scoring for this week and in doing so, secured his second W. Mark's team is full of boom/bust types, especially players like George Kittle who is dealing with QB uncertainty and general physical frailty, James Conner who is dealing with role uncertainty, and Chase Claypool whose QB has a wet noodle for an arm. Mrak's 11th hour "from the top rope with a galaxy brain WW pickup" of Alexander Mattison, as Travis so eloquently described, certainly helped him secure the bag this week and also helps mitigate against Dalvin Cook's puddin' ankles. On the theme of boom-bust, Chuba Hubbard could be huge for a stint as a Christian McCaffrey cosplayer, and Flash Gordon could either be that last complementary piece the Chef's have so desparately searched for or once again watch his opportunity go up in a puff of smoke. Mrak's team's soul food is a prix-fixe meal from Gorji Restaurant because much like Dak Prescott, it is in Dallas and has been described on Trip Advisor as "Hit or miss".

Fresh Prince of Helaire | 1-2W/L | 273PF​

Week Three Points: 73.1​

Why are we the way that we are?

A compelling question if there ever was one, and unfortunately, one to which there is not easy answer. Why did Russ stop cooking on the same day that Clydesdale decided to show up? Why is Robert Woods having his worst season in recent memory while the Ram's passing offense is otherwise thriving? How is Leonard Fournette still an active part of an NFL roster? Why do you have mutliple people on your bench that are not currently playing football? Alas, I digress. I think the Russ-to-DK connection with once again thrive, and I still do believe in Clyde and Miles Sanders. Your team has potential, and at this point in the season that's what matters. Also, not to belabor the point, but having players that play football on your roster helps too. Chris's team's soulfood is an Impossible Truffle Burger from Umami Burger in Seattle because much like your team, the future is through Seattle.

Darrel and the Hendersons | 1-2W/L | 265PF​

Week Three Points: 87.6​

Wrong Johnson.

Unfortunately, Logz, I don't think that getting the right Johnson would've improved your outcome this week. The upside is that your notorious homer picks are paying off this season. Kyler Murray is the number one QB, and Sterling Shepherd was killing it before being slowed by injury. Nuks is still one of the top WR's, and I feel that his points will catch up with his skill. Laviska Shenault hasn't quite made the jump people were expecting, but there's still plenty of time. And looking at your bench, there are a lot of missed points due to injuries. At the very least, Henderson and Jeudy will come back to lead their respective teams, and Elijah Mitchell has a shot if OU traitor Trey Sermon can't make good on his second round pedigree. Much like Cramsey, I think this team will look better in the coming weeks as players start to heal up. Logz's team's soulfood is a margarita at Tarahumara's Mexican Cafe & Cantina in Norman, okay, because you may have to sip a few of those to pass the time before your team gets off the IR.

These rankings are trash | 1-2W/L | 269PF​

Week Three Points: 95.4​

Leaving Cabo and wish I wasn't.

Well, Carlough, at least you had a fantasy football W to return home to! It's actually kind of strange - on paper, this team looks much better than its performance to this point. But I suppose that's just the eyeball test. Justin Herbert had his best game by far, and it won't be his last. CMac is injured, but not placed on IR, so hopefully will be back to wrecking shop in short order. Antonio Gibson is showing signs of life after a slow start. Mike Evans and Gronk are benefitting from a high-powered Bucs passing attack, and Adam Thielen delayed his midlife crisis to have another sneaky good FF season. Michael Thomas could be a huge addition if he's even a shadow of his former self when (if?) he comes back. Kyle Pitts was a reach for the Falcons and also for you. Trust me, as a former lions fan taking a TE in the first round never works out like you hope. Mike Davis is a bowling ball that will not quit. Ruggs will be boom or bust, but you may get some huge game from him in relief of one of your other starters. Carlos' team's soulfood is a hot bowl of pho from Pho Real in Charlotte, NC, because he needs CMac to be sipping on whatever will make him feel better ASAP.

Glizzy Guzzlers | 1-2W/L | 272PF​

Week Three Points: 121.5​

First, you make fun of me for rostering Kirk and not playing him. Now, you laugh when I take a high upside QB when mine is struggling. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DAD?

Callen's faith in A&M legend Ryan Tannehill has unfortunately not been rewarded, but it did take a step in the right direction. Fortunately for him, his RB's are stacked, with Kamara, Ekeler and A-Aron all capable of carrying this team at on a given week. Brandin Cooks will eat in the Texans offense because everyone else has died of hunger. CeeDee Lamb is going to finish as Cowboys WR1 in fantasy; pin it. Unfortunately, depth is an issue with Cal T's team. Devin Singletary is hit or miss in his time share with Zack Moss. Jared Cook is not the same as he has been in past years. Darnell Mooney has not lived up to the hype. Justin Fields and RoJo are painfully bad. I think if Tannehill gets back to how good he was last season and you get more help from your WR's, your RB's are good enough to carry this team to the doorstep of the playoffs. Callen's team's soulfood is a roast beef sandwich at the Arby's on the corner of Southwest Pkwy and Texas Ave in College Station, because he needs his RB's to show up.

All Gaskin No Breaks | 1-2W/L | 276PF​

Week Three Points: 101.5​

Please do not use this chat. The notification makes me think that one of my players had a big play. It gives me the big sad.

Scottie's team should be good. It should be quite good. Unfortunately, this has not been the case thus far this season. He has not been in the upper half of the league in scoring any of the first three weeks. I am going to chalk that up to random luck, though, because his team has many of the right pieces, including the GOAT QB Tom Brady and a few good WR's (Deebo, JJ, A&M legend, and Callen Team castoff Christian Kirk) and a couple more that will return to being good (AJB, Diggs). Plus, I think Jonathan Taylor and Myles Gaskin are decent RB's, and Chase Edmonds is at least nominally a starter in a high-powered offense. Noah Fant and the Patriots D have both been under the radar good. I think this team will level out and make a push, but as he said in the trade talk channel, he needs some RB depth. Scottie's team's soulfood is a Rise And Grind smoothie from Raw Smoothie Co. in Tampa Bay, because homie needs TB12 to stay nourished; otherwise, he's in trouble.

Week Two Points: 127.9​

JOHN CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. CRAMSEY, WHY DID YOU TRADE WITH JOHN?

Uncle Cral's Little Dogs | 1-1W/L | 222PF​

[Pollard] might replace Robinson as my RB2.

Week Two Points: 129.9​

I love Derrick Henry so much. Another Poop Dread 40-piece? I should have added a trigger warning for Mrak, who undoubtedly has vicious PTSD right now. This team is looking downright explosive like Outpost's cold brew before they realized they were serving concentrate. James Robinson is cheeks, but my goodness, this team is stacked. Nearly 130 points even with Darren Waller having a down week? I am shooketh.

Moore Cowbell | 1-1W/L | 220PF​

Week Two Points: 110.5​

This feels weird. I usually write these power rankings from the top down. By the end of the list, I don't even look at numbers anymore. I merely reach for the low-hanging fruit or make poop jokes. Sometimes, I'll attack someone's character or greatest fears. That's why it's weird actually to take some time to look at K-Man's roster. Have I ever done that? Anyway, it's surprisingly good. The only flaw is this lame-ass team name when Ty'Son Chicken Nuggies is so much better. Or why not Scary Terry CherryBerry? I wish this team name was Moore good.

Darrel and the Hendersons | 1-1W/L | 213PF​

Week Two Points: 87.6​

Well, Mitchell's $30 per point is better than when K-Man spent$200 per point on Nyheim Hines.

It is well known that I'm a hater, so it's with great pleasure that I get to rip on this team. Let's get this straight: without Texas A&M legend Kyler Murray propping up this roster, this would have been a blowout of Joey Burrow versus OU proportions. In addition, Logz now has about as much money as Adrian Peterson after blowing his FAAB on a bigger dud than Spencer Rattler. That's four back-to-back-to-back-to-back OU jokes. Coincidentally, that's the number of Oklahoma's first-round playoff losses too.

All Gaskin No Breaks | 1-1W/L | 198PF​

Week Two Points: 101.5​

So far, my team has been consistent, which should be valued in these rankings. Just like I planned, Tom Brady, at age 44, is carrying my team. Johnathan Taylor worries me. Miles Gaskin inspires zero confidence as an RB2. AJ Brown had three measly catches on nine targets. Outside of these jokers, the rest of my roster looked surprisingly competent though about as boring as Callen's investment portfolio. Expect my team to go down in flames shortly.

All lilboys 3rd team RB | 0-2W/L | 214PF​

Week Two Points: 105.8​

At this point, we've mathematically proven that an auto-draft is significantly better than anything Trond has ever put together. You're welcome. Your data science skills are so bad that I think it's time to delete your University of Phoenix PDF diploma.

Fresh Prince of Helaire | 1-1W/L | 190PF​

Week Two Points: 72.1​

This team is Russell-ing my feathers. It's Miles away from looking good. Like Kenyan Drake, Cramsey looked like a Certified Loser Boy. After a Clyde Edwards-Hellacious performance this week, Chris has Antonio Clown-ed his way to the bottom half of the power rankings. I think his team will recover, but he's not out of the Robert Woods yet.

God Wins Gunnin Runnin Nuns | 2-0W/L | 180PF​

Week Two Points: 107.0​

On the one hand, I want to hate on this team for being lucky as hell getting a dub with a C- performance last week. On the other hand, few things in the world bring me as much joy as Carlos taking an L. Overall, this team is about as bland as Denver's food scene. Is it actually okay, or do I have the munchies? Only time will tell.

Jordan '96 '97 | 1-1W/L | 178PF​

Week Two Points: 61.8​

Wow, this was a doo doo ass week for Tarv. While Johnathan Taylor blows ass as a first-round pick, I can at least take solace in the fact that I passed on Saquon like Saban passed on Texas in 2013. At this point, Barkley doesn't even have double-digit points on the season. Josh Allen looks mortal right now. Devonta Shit and Amari Pooper had abysmal weeks. Trey Sermon stonks are at an all-time low right now. Overall, this team is trending down. SAD!

Glizzy Guzzlers | 1-1W/L | 179PF​

Week Two Points: 121.5​

Callen is a real fantasy football phoenix rising from the ashes of a steaming pile of shit performance. Riding on the back of a dummy thicc Aaron Jones performance, he almost messed around got the $20. I'm keeping this team lower in the rankings for now, but I'm optimistic for the future. Kamara should turn it around quickly, but we'll have to see if Tay Tay or Singletary remain startable. I should have been paying more attention when Callen stockpiled his roster with all these RBs and a golf league-level A&M wide receiver bust. Adding Kirk to your bench but not starting him feels vaguely like when my high school prom date said she would go with me but backed out at the last minute.

These rankings are trash | 0-2W/L | 171PF​

Week Two Points: 95.4​

These rankings are trash? Nah, bro. Your management skills are trash. A team with Christian McCaffery starting 0-2 makes about as much sense as starting Danny Areola in the year 2021. At least you got Gronk right this week. Still, this is the worst 0-2 start I have seen since Oklahoma in conference play last season. There's some good players here, so I have to talk my mess before Carlos figures it out.

FEED ME 🥄 | 1-1W/L | 165PF​

Week Two Points: 69.4​

I don't know that I've ever had Mrak down here in the Trond spot before. I tried to find a bright spot on this roster outside of his RB1 and RB2. Was Brittle Kittle injured? Nah, he just sucked. Chase Claypoop didn't do shit outside of a 50+ yard explosive play. DeVante Parker was as disappointing as my dad not coming to my baseball games as a kid, but also, what did you expect when you started him? My dad didn't want to watch subpar play either. James Conner looks like he was on the wrong end of his breakup with Carl. I don't know, man. This doesn't look like Mrak's year.